Relationships: Is It The Future And Not The Present That Holds Some Relationships Together?

If one was to think about why they are a relationship with someone, they could begin to list what they like about them. This is then going to be a time when they will go over what they bring to their life.

Having them in their life is not simply going to give them someone to spend time with; it is going to allow their life far more fulfilling than it would be if this wasn’t the case. What they bring to the table, so to speak, is not going to be something that the average person can offer them.

A Special Connection

Perhaps one could describe this person as being the one, or they might even see them as their soul mate. At the same time, they could just believe that they are with the right person.

In addition to this, the people around then could also have the same outlook as they do. This might have a positive effect on what they believe, or they could see it as being something that doesn’t have a big effect on their outlook.

Looking Back

On one hand, there will be what their connection is like in present moment, and on the other hand, there will be what has taken place in the past. When thinks about the past, there could a number of memories that come to the surface.

This doesn’t mean that the only memories that arise will cause them to have a big smile on their face and a warm feeling in their heart, as this is unlikely to take place. There can be times when they remember experiencing some kind of conflict, for instance.

Going Through It

During these moments, they may have taken the time to work though what took place, as opposed to allowing it to build-up. There would then have been no reason for one negative moment to have a lasting effect on their relationship.

This could even have been a time where they agreed to disagree, and this would have shown the level of respect they have for each other. And as there are two people in the relationship, it is to be expected that there will be moments when conflict arises.

The Opposite

If this didn’t happen, it could show that they are not paying attention to what is taking place within them. They could then have moments when they are focused on pleasing the other person, and this would mean that there are no longer two people in the relationship.

In the short-term this would allow one to avoid pain, but as time passes this pain will gradually being it appear. One could then explode for no apparent reason, and this could create even more damage.

Looking Ahead

However, one won’t need to think about what their relationship is like or to think about what has taken place in the past in order to feel good about their relationship. What they will also be able to do is to think about what will happen in the future.

This could be a time when they will think about moving in together, and they may even imagine what it will be like to get married and/or to have children, amongst other things. One is then going to have three places to visit when it comes to their relationship.

Caught Up In The Past

Yet, even though one might be in this position, there is also the chance that their attention is focused on what took place in the past. What this can show is that their relationship is no longer alive, and that they are holding onto the past as a way to avoid what is currently taking place.

Through focusing on how things were, they can delude themselves into believe that it will only be a matter of time before everything will return to how it was, or they could actually believe that their relationship is still as good as it was.


One could even think about future, and see this as a time when everything will change for the better. Now, there is always the chance that this could take place, but it could be said that it is highly unlikely.

It might be better for one to get in touch with reality and to face the pain the pain that will arise. As if the relationship is finished, the sooner they walk away the sooner they will be able to find someone who is right for them.

Caught Up In The Future

Alternatively, one could find that they are so caught up in the future that it stops them from being able to see that their relationship is over. In fact, one could be oblivious to what is actually going on.

What they are looking forward to is then going to distract them from reality, and this will be what gives them the energy to continue. The idea of getting married and/or having children could be what keeps them going.

Stepping Back

Unless one is able to take their focus away from the future, it is going to be possible for them to face reality. This is not going to be easy, and they will have to let go of the future they had created in their mind.

What they can focus on is that they are not going to live forever and the longer they are caught up in an illusion, the less time they will have to meet someone who actually wants what they want. The pain that they have to go through will be nothing like the pain they would have to face if they were to wait until it was too late.


This is not something that was has to do by themselves, as they can reach out for external support. This can be provided by a trusted friend and/or a therapist.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

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